Growing

It has been 3 years I've stopped blogging. Writing my diary ;).Wow.

I am here today writing this post is because of Movement Control Order happened in Malaysia caused by Covid-19 virus spreading around. Thus, I have plenty of time to write out my thought and my life recently. Love writing this because I think I am overloaded with negativity these days, need to distress.

Pass 3 years I have changed my job and get myself in a relationship. Working at hometown as I wished, getting a good boyfriend? Doing great I guess?

Things for me to get in thought:
Staying at home...
It actually making me more dependent and lazy in house chores. Being in a comfortable environment. Work--home--work--home. Making me and my mom getting much argument actually, so I've decided to work--workout--home. Reducing the time at home, reducing the conflict. At the same time, reducing the interaction...not a good idea. I'm sucks in this, trying to be good girl; making me so fake, trying to be nice; get a slap instead. I'm not sure, trying to treat people how I want to be treated. This just doesn't work?

Being in a relationship... 
Just got into a relationship after 2 months of knowing each other. Thinking is it a rush? After these years he could make me feel it doesn't matter how long we know each other, he appreciate things I done and he tried very hard to make this relationship works. I am used to be alone before this and it is good that when there is someone keep checking up on you until it has become a routine. Things get worse when I started figured out I am too clingy, keep wanting attention. But is it normal? I don't know. The feeling is just so depressing when he didn't call, he didn't response or missed out the reply, he sometimes or most of the time forget things I wanted him to bring/ to do. Ya, I try to convince myself most of the time he is busy, he need to bear a lot of responsibility. So this kind of cycle repeated, depress--self-convincing--feel better. Of course most of the time I feel being loved, pampered , that I doubt should I actually do something more to pay back his kindness and act of thoughtfulness.

Come through a saying that being a couple, do not argue without purpose, argue for a purpose. So that hit me in my head, what is the thing that we are trying to get after we argue? That applies to everyone not only couple i guess. In work, family, friends... we argue because of the act, the values, the attitude, trying to get the same goal/aim so things achieved happily for both party. 

Yah~ That's enough for me to pour out thoughts, let's see how things goes.
kthxbye.

Leaving

Yeah~ Graduated with Honour, with Distinction~ wow.. Thank God! Never expect that but keep fighting for that. ;)

Appreciate and miss everything in University Life.

I'm always that kind of person who worried so much and was always afraid to change new environment.. it's working life now ~ omg~ new place new people like how it was 4 years back when i started my Uni life. Looking forward to it as it will be fun, worried about it as people are new and no one there when i needed (i mean close family).

Hopefully everything goes smoothly and got people guide me please~ keep feeling I will really be alone started from now on. OR should I say I should start independent now, bear my own responsibility, face critics all by my own :( not protective environment anymore~ no more mistake, no more stupidity~ Just thinking of it make me feel depress. It's Pre-working syndrome i guess. Sorry for all those negativity, I just need to release it~ keeping it to myself was quite hard ~

People said it's good to think of something advanced so that you could get prepared for it. I am! But people also said that I worried too much~ Argh! It's tiring though~

Thanks that I have friends around that I could rely on and talk to~ Appreciate that I have supportive family to make me stronger. I just wana stay at home though, that comfort zone; stay in hometown, that merry place;stay with family, that stressless home. I am not sure whether I've chosen a good company and working environment, the things I'm sure is I need to be happy of what I'm working with and be sincere with every person I encounter. Put in effort and do the best for every patient.

I hate how people judge my profession with money and pay. I hate how people doesn't value our effort. I hate people doesn't understand my profession and judge with what they think it is. Don't ever take people kindness for demand, it's because you are worth it thus we put in effort but not because I must. You are worth it because you believe in me and I believe in you. Things goes around like that~

Finger crossed this company could be another family for me .

New year! 2017

It's final year and half year left til graduation. Chinese New Year just passed so it's time for me to go back to settle all my thesis stuff. So annoying but I need to get it done !
I need someone to motivate and stressed me out to get things work. What a shame~ always get lazy and I could actually sit in front of the TV whole day. Know that it's unproductive but still doing it 🙄
Tonight has a gathering with the gang, and next day morning will be leaving to KL. It's time to get apart again. Hate this feeling. Keep thinking am I going to go through this later when I work. Will I work in Penang or will I work else where? 😔 Money matters~
It's Malaysian culture problem that "manja" me to be so spoon-feed isn't it? Everything need to be arranged , need to be pushed, so useless! Omg~ another problem is blaming others instead of ownself. One of my friend told me that, making me aware that I really act that way. Thus, every time when I try to speak on someone, I reflected.
So ! Should jump off from my comfort zone and slap that butt to work out stuff! Hmph! Right!

I had attended a few gathering last week. It's really nice to meet all of them up. So so so appreciate we still could update each other and talk like last time ! It's hard to gather everyone but at least we gathered. That's enough though~ as I'm not sure if could still have those attendance later on. 🙊

Owh ya had started my 2016 unfinished resolution on 14th Dec2016 😂 -- to workout everyday, then let's see the result 3 months later. It had been almost 2 months, not really have any effect on the weight reading ~ but just tummy not that protruding, those thighs get fitter and muscular. Anyway, should try harder 😛 to fit in my suite 😉 That motivating suit! Wheeeee~

Let's get thing done Sui Sui and perfect kay! 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

Hi Jo

            Hello Blog, it has been a year though. I'm now in 3rd year of uni study. Hmm.. grown up yo~ physically I mean (muahaha) Anyway, it's another slacky day.
           I'm home by the way, at penang. Just finish posting in Hopital Seremban and it was a tough one but I've gone through it~ wohooo~ Just want to tell myself: GOOD JOB! Although the grade I got was not as good as previous one, I've just learnt so much of their passion in the profession. This actually made me thought a lot of my future career. Hmm... should I go straight to Singapore for like a few years to gain experience or serve our government instead then to open own centre or hmm... apply for private? I don't know~ So i actually should just focus on getting graduate from degree first?
           My thought this few days~ was overwhelming. Trying to avoid thinking but there are friends that started coming out for works, already working and even started own business. My parents even asking when are we graduating, working and actually at their age, they are about to retired~ Phew! No stress no stress~ Besides, I dunno why, I just feel like I'm a big spender lol lol... my friends said so too~ maybe yes? haha, am I too late to realize? erm.. nevermind at least I finally realise XP. Alright, start saving kay~~~ Oh ya another good news today is that I got the approval for the application of fund to Japan (muahaha..proud ma proud ma). Will save some money lorrrr at least XP.

        Few days later, I'm going to face my finals already and I didn't even touch a pages of books. Still relaxing at home and don't feel like doing anything~ Like ANYTHING! Still have tons of report to complete argh!! I just want to lay on the sofa and watch TV, lay on the bed and slack whole day~~~

Wonder

As time flies , I realized many things have to change. It really had changed, relationship especially ~ if we don't get to manage it well, anything would happen like you will become strangers or even hater. Of course I'm not saying that I am hating someone or someone hated me (em .. I dunno maybe?) it's just a kind of feeling .

I am wondering if everyone feel the same way but I found myself keep hanging out with friends when I'm back from studies. It feel like some sort of mission to complete when I'm back. Sometimes I may found myself being annoying in a group chat because keep suggesting when to hang out, and no one replies.. The thing that I'm so damn frustrated of! No reply! At least a "no" mayb? So yeah I'm annoying ! I should keep quiet for sometimes and live my own life. 

I watched a Drama just now story was about 5 secondary friends growing up until their working life. Many issues happened among them but still there is one person that wanted everyone to be reunited and at least meet each other once in a month. At the end ended up sitting at the big table waiting for those never coming friends. Sadness overload~ maybe this will happens in real life or maybe in my life. 

I have a lot of girl friends so.. When I hang out , there's always girls in the picture . Another issue merged, people keep asking are u a lesbian why don't u go get a boy friend . What the... Is this something that I can control? =.= I'm really speechless . Maybe because I'm too ugly or too fat. By the way I'm trying hard on my weight but hah.. Motivation comes and goes so it make my weight fluctuates wtf! I need permanent motivation! 😭 lets start that again when I gone back uni.

Aih .. If and only if my hair grows thicker, body and legs get slimmer. 💪 (wishes) like forever!

Yeah relieved ! Because Facebook had too many ppl, Twitter don't allow me to type much, can't find a suitable insta photo to fit in everything , I still love to blog about my thought! 

No one knows I'm here~

Yeah ! It had been two years and as expected, blog will eventually be eliminated by the trend. Anyway, as there is a place for me to split out then it's enough.

        Em..University life is so not what I expected .It is really a pre-society-exposure place. I started realize that since my second year which is this semester. During my first year, I was so damn naive and think that everything was prepared, I can count on my friend if I don't know, those burdening thing try to avoid, I am still a little girl acting like a princess in home. PUI! okay, I know I'm wrong~ 

        

       My second year started and I got myself in an event. Lucky or not I was chosen to be the programmer with Stella. This was my very first time to participate in such event and also be a programmer.Challenging huh~ What I can say was I learnt a lot from this and I gain friendship. What I lost was my sleep time but I would say it's worth it!

       Actually before starting to type out this, I planned to write a whole long page of words.But in the end I would just want to conclude everything in short. I really feel sorry for those seniors that guide us along the way~ they are really good in person and their brain are really smart! Their ability had transcend us way too much. I had disappoint them and overlooked their feeling. They helped us so much and I'm just thinking how to complete my task as a programmer. Felt so awful when they give us the feedback. So sorry~ I should look at things more holistically. 

       After this event , I've grown up a lot. Thanks for everything and sorry for the mistake made. Copy what my buddy told me--people always learn from mistake, I will do my best if I still have the chance ^^ {feeling determined}

Here is those 共患难的战友们 and cute bunch of juniors...love them so much! <3 comment-3--="">

The New Page Of Life

         Hey yo! I'm 20 now and going to be 21 few days later. Whao right? Time flies..I'm a Uni student now studying Occupational Therapy in UKM. Oh ya right! I accepted the faith lol..

        What is OT? haha...everyone asked! EVERYONE! like not really have ppl know bout this course in Malaysia. It is well-known in other countries instead. Hmm...as seniors said if u found the person asking curiously and like they really wana know bout this course,u will automatically blaaaa all out what's OT. Conversely, if that person like "yer,what's that,never heard before"-face I would just tell "aha, it's something like physiotherapy" and end of topic {never wanted to explain much, or should i say i'm lazy}. 

          OT is a profession that help their patient to recover their independence in life. Their life include activities of daily living, work, and leisure. While ADL include a lot like sleep, education, eat,dressing, bowel and bladder management... then what OT do is to help them adapt to the environment with their available ability,or modify the environment to adapt their physical condition. Roughly like that..hmm.. so i think it's really different from physio lo.. Yup! that's what i'm studying.=)  I found this course really interesting after I've further understanding about it. It need our creativity to cure the patient. I like the session when we are asked to feel the condition of the patient own-self. Pretending to be an OKU make us learn a lot. How people look at us and how we feel and of course the difficulty in carry out a so-call-normal daily activity. 

         About uni life, I'm ok with it la actually. The only thing is I'll homesick. Aih! It's never been that serious until I've gone home last few days. Or maybe I'm stressed out. Feel like crying whenever i think of my mom, what happen huh? Ms Ho said i will get used to it second year later. Hmm..i dont know. Everyone tell me, my uni life look exciting and enjoy when they see me in Facebook photos. Hah,yeah...the activities was quite fun. Who knows what's behind? I need to catch up with all the studies and write the report for every activities so that i can claim marks and merit for that in order to stay in the hostel next year. Damn! i hate that! I just wana enjoy but what it seems is i took part to get marks.LOL!

       

       From the day i came back hostel, i started counting down. I still have 19 days until my first sem final end and i can go back home for Chinese new year! yay! I need to study study study right now!!! yah! gambateh!

Who knows your heart is crying?

Hi blog,I'm here again to pour out my thought.

Thanks for being here.

WTH am i talking?

Okay,fine!

I get a offer from UKM! {YES!}

But,It's not speech but occupational therapy.{What?!}

Yea,right!It's OT,i never had imagine i will get into this field although i put it as my second choice as i have much expectation in speech.Haih!

What to say?I need to accept it...

Erm..seniors came to brief us about University life and courses and other more.

He told me SLP is actually really hard and need a lots of patient and passion.{I know}

But i don't know,I hesitate .

Should i change my course to SLP or just accept the faith?

Yeah, I feel like crying when i can't make a decision.

University,looking forward to and feel sad to goodbye.

Everyone is going to their Uni respectively and even fly overseas which we actually can't meet them for a few months or years.

So,I'm trying hard to get all of them gathered.

Yeah,I never make one success,sad to say.

I know,all of u are busy,busy with work with preparation with family with other friends.

I know,I'm not the VIP.

I just....want everything to look the same as last time,just once,just once!

I'm really giving it up,because I think things never get perfect .

That's it.Don't ever be an organizer unless you are a GOOD person.

I'm tired.Just let it be...I think i need prepare my stuff to Uni instead of worrying this stuff as nobody care.

I'm actually preparing,applying all those stuff and busy printing and certified stuff.

Quite busy though.

And I don't wana see U again...shortly.

Hope everything will end soon.

I mean EVERYTHING.PLEASE!

I'm gonna start a new life next month!